Praise be to God Weblog

Enough is enough and too much gets nasty!

ckrauter — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 07:49:27 +0000

Okay I don’t think anyone actually reads this so I should be safe writing this. I am having such a hard time not having a baby of my own. I know all good things come to those who can wait but really I am tired of waiting. Right now I know we should be so I am not. We are on a break and I am fine with this. I would be doing a lot better than I am if I had some support. My sister in law has a baby. I am happy for her but she has made me feel awful about not having one. She throws that baby in Robert and mines face. She brings God into it all the time. Yes God gave you a child but He has not not given us one because we are not going to be good parents or anything like that. My mother in law and I do not have a very good relationship. I wish this was different but I am pretty sure it will always be this way. Robert has been drifting from them as well. I truly would not be surprized if a day comes and we only speak on holidays and birthdays. They have told us they want us to wait they waited 5 years to have Robert and I am glad they chose this for them. However I want to be a young mom. My mom was 22 when she had me and was pregnant while she was 21. I am 21 so I am not very young and would be hapy to be like my mom. She says we should wait but she dismisses us and focuses completely on my SIL and her daughter and like never us. She dismissed my husband on his birthday because she was there visiting. they do not realize how this hurt him. Like I said a wedge is being driven between us. I want a kid and yes I am waiting but some support would be nice. I mean you send gifts to them all the time for the baby but what about maybe sending a gift card for date night or some movie tickets. idk it would be nice to feel like because we have chosen to wait we are okay. They say they are not showing favortism but they are. They write on their walls and comment on their pictures all the time. They NEVER write on ours or comment our pictures. They talk to my SIL’s mom but NEVER mine. They have had some nasty things to say about my mom but she never has done anything wrong. If they are mad because we live close to my mom well I am sorry. We did not do it for that reason and she did not do it either. I do see it was God helping me though. I would not make it without my mom the way I have been treated. I love God and I am thankful for the great man God gave me but I have a hard time thanking Him for my in-laws. We are supposed to be going to see them for Christmas but things look like it may not work out with Robert’s work schedule. I am kind of relieved. I would be mistreated and have to hear about this baby way too much. It bothers Robert when he does call to check on them they only talk about the baby. I am happy you are grandparents and you should be however if you know we have lost ours and have none to old currently do not throw it in our faces. Like my mom says enough is enough ad too much gets nasty.

Bad day!

ckrauter — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 05:46:46 +0000

Well here is my day. It is more of a bad week. My baby would be the size of a raspberry today. My arms have been longing to hold my child since August which is when we started trying. At the end of September early October we were told that his brother and sister-in-law were expecting. I was heart broken happy for them yes but sad that we were having to try and they did not and got pregnant. So came October and then November and negative words were exchanged. December came and I was sure it was not the month. Well turned out We were as of January. We were so happy month after month had been worth it. The she left us as quick as she came. i have prayed for it to be this month but I know it will not be. Well that brings me to this week. I have been having a hard time this week. Maybe it is because ovulation is over and I still have a week till the monthly guest will come and visit. Robert has had to change his password on facebook because I use to torture myself looking at their baby updates. Well by accident he left it open and I know just to log out. well the first thing on there which is so hard to miss was the words IT IS A GIRL!!!! My heart went to my stomach and I felt like my stomach was coming through my mouth. I cried. there is no excitement for me or encouragement for me. i feel alone once again. I find myself asking why God when will it be my turn when will I have a little one growing inside of me. When will I feel complete. I know I should look to God to fill me but this one seems like a hole only a baby could fill. When will I be a mother. I must trust God but I feel like the more I give him and the less control I have the further my baby becomes. I wish I could turn my cell phone off and not use the computer and have no contact with his family only because of the pain I am in. It would be wrong of me. They have done no wrong and should be celebrating I just hurt inside. Lord I pray for direction. I pray for a child. A happy healthy child that will far out live me. i pray he or she grow in God and do his works. I pray this month be the month and my suspisions would be wrong. i pray for healing and encouragement. I pray to see you hand in all of this. Amen

Month Six Day 5!

ckrauter — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 23:20:23 +0000

Dear little angel,

You have not yet been concieved but I already love you. I dream of having you inside of me and feeling you move and watching you grow. I pray for the day I will hear your heartbeat and hold you in my arms. I pray that you will be strong and healthy. A woman or man of the Lord. I want you to never give up and to know how much your father and I wanted you. Your dad prays you are a girl and that you and him will be able to have a great relationship. Your baby brother or sister recently left us as quickly as they came. It was hard for both of us but knowing we will have you keeps us going. I know nothing about you or even when you will come but I do know that you are already in my heart and will be there forever. We already have so many nice things for you and there will be many more to come. It is hard for me to see other new mommies to be. I want it so bad but I am trusting God is trying to make you just right for us. Perfection can not be rushed. If all goes well this month when we go to the doctor you will be the size of a sweet pea. Come when you are ready we will be waiting.

From the moment we met, we knew we were meant for each other
We knew that someday he would want to be a father and I’d want to be a mother
We spent our first couple months loving, talking and sharing
No matter what we went through we nurtured each other; caring

We had happy times, bad times, sad times, great times; a life together
No matter how big the storm; with each other we would weather
We were so close, we could face anything with each other, so in love
So strong, compassionate, sensitive, together we could rise above

We decided the time had come to turn the 2 of us into 3
We were so excited and happy to extend our family tree
We would buy things for the baby, little clothes and little toys
We even picked mutual colours to suit little girls or little boys

We were disappointed the first month, we thought it would happen right away
But we were sure after a little more trying we’d get a positive any day
So we kept trying and waiting…the months kept going by
Feeling devastated after every failed month and together we wondered why

We tried charts, tests, kits and all the natural things
But it didn’t make a difference, the disappointment again would ring
We wondered why it took so long when we were doing everything right
We would lay awake with these thoughts deep into the night

Family and friends fell pregnant as we continued to try
Oh how we tried to be happy for them, but instead we would sit and cry
We would cry for what we didn’t have and what may never come
And everytime we saw pregnant women or babies we would suddenly feel very numb

We endured tests and questions we were so nervous and so scared
We just couldn’t speak to our loved ones even though we knew they cared
We still don’t know what will be though we will continue to try
And the only thing I know for sure is that with each failure, together we’ll cry

We won’t give up on a baby, it is our wholesome hope and dream
And until we have our baby the tears will always stream
If you’re up there little baby, please come see us soon
For we need you to be with us even more than the night sky needs the moon

The Great Pretender

Shopping around and having fun,
Little shoes and hats for the sun…
Wrapped in pink or baby blue,
But none for me… All for you.

Tiny shoes, she’ll be in style,
When I see them I give you a smile.
But it tears my heart in two…
Still none for me… all for you.

I rub your bellies when you come around,
Pretending all day that I’m not feeling down.
I’ll never let you see the truth…
It hurts to know it’s all for you.

I pray everyday up to Him,
“Please know I’m happy for them,
But there is no other lesson to learn.
When, dear God, will it be my turn?”

Our infertility cannot be seen
But we feel it everyday
The hurt the anguish and despair
Doesn’t go away

We are grieving all the time
For something we never had
I never thought that was possible
To lose something that was never there – to feel so sad

We hate to feel this way
We hate to cry these tears
We hate to wonder how long this will take
Will it be months or years?

It kills us to see other families
It’s a reminder of what we aren’t
We should smile for them and be happy
But we just can’t

It hurts us to listen to parents
Saying a crying baby is the pits
We should be so lucky to have a crying baby
We wouldn’t mind a bit

We would sit and admire our baby
This amazing thing that we created
We would embrace this baby with so much love
And talk about how long for this we had waited

We wouldn’t mind the dirty nappies
Or the many sleepless nights
We would just be grateful to have our bundle
That we would hold so tight

We wouldn’t complain about feeding
Or having our lives turned upside down
Nothing could get rid of our smiles
From having our baby around

We hope the wait is over soon
And that our baby will be here
Then the day will come
That we can finally shed happy tears

I am getting Married!

ckrauter — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 06:04:14 +0000

Okay so May 22 I will be Christy Sanderson! We have registered at Belk Target and Walmart. We also have somethings people can help us pay off our new pots and pans at Royal Prestige. We are very busy with all the wedding plans and at times it gets so stressful I want to hang him by his toe nails. Just wanted to announce this. As things come together we will post more on here.

You know you are a military girlfriend when…..

ckrauter — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 05:04:43 +0000

You don’t mind a phone call waking you up at 4 a.m.

You tell people that ask that he’s ‘only’ been gone a month.

The smallest contact (short email) from your man makes your entire week!

You cry over an email that says nothing more than hi and I miss you.

You email everyone in your address book when you receive a one liner email from your Soldier.

Those recruitment commercials on TV make you cry because you are so proud!

You get super excited just knowing that your Soldier tried to call but wasn’t able to get through.

Your first Military Ball you go to as your Soldier’s girlfriend, your name tag says “Mrs”.
Is that a self fulfilling prophecy or what?!?

A 30 second phone call after no calls from him for 3.5 months leaves you full of joy and happiness, and “No news is good news” becomes your motto.

The motto “no shore too distant ” becomes your life.

You feel yourself growning more and more in love with your man even while he’s so far away.

Planning letters and care packages and putting them in the mail is more exciting then going out for a night on the town with the girls.

While enjoying an evening alone together, your boyfriend shows you all the different ways he knows to kill or incapacitate a man, and then you casually continue cooking dinner as though it’s perfectly normal, and you find yourself learning phrases in foreign languages from letters, and aren’t surprised when you realize you know how to say, “Throw down your weapons and lay down on the ground!” in Arabic!

You hold off on seeing certain movies so you can see them with your Soldier when he comes home.

You want to roll your eyes when you hear someone say, “I havent seen my boyfriend in a week!”

You can go from being happy, to sad, to lonely, to angry, to proud, and back to happy in a matter of less than an hour, and you sleep with the phone right next to you, just in case.

If he’s deployed you don’t care how your hair looks nor care about wearing make-up, and the people at your work ask about your boyfriend every day to see if you’ve heard from him.

The sight of any other man in a uniform makes you miss your boyfriend MORE than it makes you drool, and you try to explain to civilians what your boyfriend does for a living, they give you a blank look because they don’t understand a third of what you just said.

You are oceans apart and you dont notice the time difference, and talk until 5 a.m. his time, and 2 a.m. your time on a school night, and phone kisses are just as good as the real ones,well almost as good

You don’t bat an eyelash when he says, “Uh, honey they changed when I’m supposed to return home, yet again for the 18th millionth time”.

What do you do when everything is broken?

ckrauter — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 15:53:55 +0000

Okay so I have been listening to just different songs right now and I found some of Katy Perry’s older stuff that she performed with a group called the Matrix. I listened to it and the lyrics spoke to me.

I wear the red shoes
With the holes
To remind me
What we went through
Sit down here
Kick ‘em off enough
Not had enough of you
I tell you
You know
The car you drive
Keeps breaking down
And never starts
Next thing
I’m pulling up to you
We’re in the backseat
Driving it home
No one wants
To be alone

Chorus:
What do you do?
What do you do
When everything
Is broken?
What do you say?
What do you say
When no words
Fit the moment?
‘Cuz you’re not here
And even if you were
All I could say
Is what do I do?
What do I do?
We’re broken
But I can’t
Throw us away

The video
Of our vacation’s
Chewed up in the drawer
Beside me
She thinks I never got
To watch it
I’m so glad
I made a copy
The sky
Got bitter twisted
Just like you and me
I miss it
You snap it
Bend it
Burn it
Then you find
That you can’t fix it
Fall back on whatever
Still remains

(Chorus)

Breaking you in
Breaking your heart
I was taking it all
And I tore you apart
Breaking me in
Breaking my heart
And the damage was done
But I took what you got
We were breakin’ it
Smashin’ it
Takin’ it
Lovin’ it
Hatin’ it
Drivin’ it home
And now I’m all
Now I’m all alone

Oh, yeah (4x)

(Chorus)

What do I do?
We’re broken
But I can’t
Throw us away

Okay so obviously she is talking to a boy of hers. But what hit me was the chorus. What do you do? What do you do when everything is broken? What do you say? What do you say when words won’t fit the moment? I don’t know about yall but I have felt at times broken. I have felt broken because someone let me down or hurt me. We all know that God is the great healer and he can put the pieces back together but so many times we want to fix it ourselves. SOme of that is cause God doesn’t work on our time but His and He does it His way not necessarily the way we want it fixed. We need to let go and let God. This is so hard and si something I am stuggling right now. I want to fix the things wrong in my life and in others. However sometimes I need to just let God handle it. I need to understand he knows all and sees the big picture. Well I just wanted to share what was on my mind!

God Bless, Christy

You may be here for such a time as this!

ckrauter — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 07:38:46 +0000

So I have had so much on my mind. God is working on me. You know where it says that we will be baptized in fire. Well fire hurts and it gets rid of the things not sturdy. The grain. My prayer has been for that to happen to me. What a tough prayer. If you want to feel closer to God yet farther from others than that is the prayer for you. I have God has taken some of my relationships and strengthened them and others he has made them almost non-existent. I am learning so much with the whole Esther study. What is so weird is I can be such a Haman at times. No I am not trying to kill the Jews but I can get prideful and not mean to. I can become jealous and bitter. I do not like that. However I can relate with Esther so I do not feel as bad. I was doing my study the other day though and I wanted to share what I read.

Here are some excerpts.

1. Through years and much personal embarrassment, I’ve come to understand a little bit more about why Christ calls us to die or to deny self and follow Him. It is not because humanity is such a titanic disappointment and summarily unworthy of His love on our own. Amid all the depravity of this world, man is still God’s prized creation and most valued treasure. Christ’s purpose in calling us to deny ourselves is that we’d deny our selfishness, ambition, pasts, or any damaged emotions the right to cheat us of His far higher plans for us.

2. We form mental strongholds toward those who won’t give us what we want or need. Sometimes they quit giving us something they once supplied and we want it back. Perhaps they broke the rules of our relationship. Very often our people snares are those who make us feel out of control with our emotions. They are the ones around whom we are most compelled to perfomr or, worse yet, make fools of ourselves. We see both of these subtle elements in Haman. The people who have become the biggest snares to us are the ones about whome we’re most prone to say, “I never act this way with anyone else!” -Yikes way too true!

3. God is putting our lives back together after a terrible betrayal. Ample time has passed and God has gifted us with a wonderful person. We can’t be happy with the terrific person who has accepted us, however, because we’re still fixated on the person who rejected us.

4. God is the only One who can tend to the secret places where pain calls to bondage. Would you let Him minister to you there and begin the healing process? Admitting we have an area of brokenness is a huge step toward wholeness. What would God’s kingdom gain from people who were only humiliated? What would the reward of our existence if we were only repentant and never repaired? Discontent with selfishness and weary of ego, we finally become willing to lose ourselves to something greater. In doing so, we find Christ as we’ve never known Him and, there, pooled in the reflection of His eyes, startle to discover that a part of ourselves resembles Him.

As you can see God is working on me in my relationships area. Not as in dating but rather friendships. i love people and making new friends. It is not very often that I will not like you. I hate seeing people be left out to. That is just how I am. I love getting to know people and being there for them. I almost never push someone away for friendship so it hurts when it happens to me. At the same time I am starting to wonder if God is trying to protect me. Well that was what I was thinking but then We moved on to the next lesson and it talked about timing.

1. We need to know when it’s time. Hosea 6:2 He will revive us up on the third day, that we may live before Him.

2. We need to know when it’s time to wait. There is a time for everything even a time to speak. Sometimes we need to be silent even when man invites us to speak.

3. We need to know when it’s time to wait for someone else’s time.

4. We need to know when the meantime is God-time. Isaiah 40:31 But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

I do not know if it is time for me to be friends with these certain individuals. It may be my time but not theirs or maybe it is not God’s.

Well that is what has been on my heart. Please keep me in your prayers.

God Bless, Christy

Overwhelmed! Salt? Light?

ckrauter — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 01:46:42 +0000

Hello wonderful children of the Holy One! I am so blessed to finally find time to write to you all. God is working in my life and I am truly overwhelmed. I just had to stop and look up the definition for overwhelmed. We use it so often do we know what it means? Well in case this has now got you interested and wanting to know the answer it means to affect deeply in mind or emotionally. haha Wow so that is so true God has been affecting my mind and my emotions. I don’t know if yall know this but I have been very busy with work. I still try and make sure I have time with the Lord and take a hold of opportunities to go to church. Well he has spoken to me and tells me things that gets me thinking and then when I get the answer I become so emotionally. Yes usually I cry mostly tears of joy but sometimes tears of repentance. God is blessing me with some great friendships. I just wanted to write a good note to you all but something at the same time will overwhelm you. Trust me if you take part in this you will be blessed. Okay so I want to talk about Salt and Light. Okay, so many people tell me that they want to do God’s will and that they want to be the Salt and Light of the earth. Well do you know what it means? First of all what are some characteristics of salt?

We can do this together!

1.It’s white.

2. Enhances flavor.

3. Preserves.

I don’t know about yall but I believe he is hinting toward the enhancing of flavor. Why would he say this? Was Jesus just really hungry? Well let’s take a look at pure salt and what it does.

1. It NEVER looses it’s flavor. However when impurities come into the picture it can lose some of it’s flavor.

Hmmm so can we lose our flavor? I believe so. When impurities come into our lives we can lose that which makes us stand apart. We are no longer as strong or as different among the rest of the spices. Let’s stop right here for a second go into your cupboard and count how many different spices you have.

How many did you have? I bet if you love to cook you had quite a few different kinds. Look at our world if the pure at heart christians are salt and all the other spices are the lost salt stands alone in that cupboard. It is outnumbered. SO many times it can feel like that to us and we can get caught up well it is just a little gossip here, a curse word there, and so many more and no longer are we the pure salt.

Okay so what if we have lost some of our flavor what happens? Well again back to our spices if one of them no longer has flavor we just throw it out. Ouch! So God couldn’t possibly be saying that we would not be able to be used for the good of Him is he? That is for you to decide. But if it is that is truly an eye opener for some of us. (myself included)

Okay so I believe my audience is smart how would you say light would come into play? Let’s think dark world hmmm light is bright oh I get it we would light up the world. How do we do this?

Did you ever think of this… We are not the light. Before I get nasty emails bare with me. We are not the light it is God in us that makes the light shine. God is the light. We so often say our world needs the light. Well they do not need us. We can not save them from Hell. God can He is the light and He can save them. We are to help people see His light in us. SO basically Jesu is the sun haha(son) and we are the moon we illuminate him. We use his light to shine.

So if we want to do this how do we? Good question I’m glad you asked!

1. Let the light be visible. Be seen by the world.

2. Glorify God and let people see it is not you or some happy pill that makes you this way it is the Lord Jesus Christ.

Well I think I have got you thinking at least I hope so. Go out be the Salt and the radiate that Light. Thank you so much for being overwhelmed with me!

God Bless, Christy

Merry Christmas!

ckrauter — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 19:17:05 +0000

Okay so I have so much to share. First off i have finished exams and classes are now over for this year! I got a role in Crucible at Liberty. SO anywho I finished and was off to NC. I rode down with the Wrape boys. I arrived in Staesville NC on December 11th. I stayed the night there and then in the morning we had to go to the airport to drop off another girl who rode down with us. Daniel and I were waiting there when a lady who worked at the airport came up to us and commented on my shirt. I was wearing my Liberty University tee shirt. She came and started talking about the school and asking us what we want to do with our lives. She shared how no matter what we need to be in God’s will. She proceeded to tell us that she feels God brings the world to her. She works at an international airport and comes in contact with people of different types. She gets to be a witness to them. She shared how she is joyful with everything she does there. I was truly encouraged by this. We then left and headed to Rock Hill to visit my old high school. It was fun but short. Then we went to Chili’s for lunch and then returned back to Statesville. When we arrived Kelly called and informed me I was not going to be able to do my practicum with her and I became very stressed. I needed to get this done before I returned from break and had no idea what to do. Well God had a plan for me to do it at the school the boys mom works at. It wokred out and I would be doing it in Statesville. I was shortly picked up by Randy and taken to Rock Hill where Stevie and I were able to have some fun. I was able to spend some time with the Hawkin’s boys! Okay so I am going to call it quits for right now cause I some how hurt my shoulder so I cannot move it up or down. So pray for healing!

Twinkle Twinkle little Stars!

ckrauter — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 06:53:40 +0000

Okay so today I have really had the Lord on my mind and before I go into all of that I just want to share the song I am listening to yall. See the way he holds the stars in his hands see the way he holds my heart for God is a lover looking for a lover so he fashioned me With just one pulse of your heart with just one pulse of your heart I’m in love. Any ways I love this God made it all stars and all. What really stuck out to me was stars. I love stars. I remember that when I first moved here I would tell all of my friends I can see the stars. It makes me think of the Father saying look Christy I have put diamonds in the sky just for you. And as the saying goes a diamond is forever and they are. Which then got me thinking about the star god used to guide the way. And that got me thinking why a star? I know Bible philosophers will say something dealing with how the stars were there to guide the way and the worse men use to base things on the stars and constellations. But when thinking I realized God wants us to be focused on him and he will guide us. God gives us the beauties of the earth and sky and wants us to look at that and see him and he will make the path so much easier. On a different note though I stumbled upon a quote and read it. A true call of a christian is not to do extraordinary things but to do ordinary things in an extraordinary way. Wow! This got me thinking about Jesus. Ya he healed people and performed miracles, but what did he do most? He did the simple ordinary tasks in an extraordinary way. He just spoke to the people, he went to those not wanted. He got down and dirty. He helped and encouraged those who he came in contact with. He did not go all over the world or even searching for someone but the people who he walked by in the market place. Do we encourage the cashier who rings us up? We could be the only Jesus they see. This was easily seen today black Friday. These workers have been on their feet all day and we are bitter and mean to them. I may not have been rude or anything like that but I sure did not see myself as an encouragement to them. I was no different than any of the other people around me. Wow! Reality check to me. However I am trying to be a light at my mom’s work. We will see if I can encourage the people at Belk. Well I better be getting to bed but I wanted to share all of the info with you and to tell yall I got a new outft, two pairs of shoes and a purse today! Yay!