Dear little angel,
You have not yet been concieved but I already love you. I dream of having you inside of me and feeling you move and watching you grow. I pray for the day I will hear your heartbeat and hold you in my arms. I pray that you will be strong and healthy. A woman or man of the Lord. I want you to never give up and to know how much your father and I wanted you. Your dad prays you are a girl and that you and him will be able to have a great relationship. Your baby brother or sister recently left us as quickly as they came. It was hard for both of us but knowing we will have you keeps us going. I know nothing about you or even when you will come but I do know that you are already in my heart and will be there forever. We already have so many nice things for you and there will be many more to come. It is hard for me to see other new mommies to be. I want it so bad but I am trusting God is trying to make you just right for us. Perfection can not be rushed. If all goes well this month when we go to the doctor you will be the size of a sweet pea. Come when you are ready we will be waiting.
From the moment we met, we knew we were meant for each other
We knew that someday he would want to be a father and I’d want to be a mother
We spent our first couple months loving, talking and sharing
No matter what we went through we nurtured each other; caring
We had happy times, bad times, sad times, great times; a life together
No matter how big the storm; with each other we would weather
We were so close, we could face anything with each other, so in love
So strong, compassionate, sensitive, together we could rise above
We decided the time had come to turn the 2 of us into 3
We were so excited and happy to extend our family tree
We would buy things for the baby, little clothes and little toys
We even picked mutual colours to suit little girls or little boys
We were disappointed the first month, we thought it would happen right away
But we were sure after a little more trying we’d get a positive any day
So we kept trying and waiting…the months kept going by
Feeling devastated after every failed month and together we wondered why
We tried charts, tests, kits and all the natural things
But it didn’t make a difference, the disappointment again would ring
We wondered why it took so long when we were doing everything right
We would lay awake with these thoughts deep into the night
Family and friends fell pregnant as we continued to try
Oh how we tried to be happy for them, but instead we would sit and cry
We would cry for what we didn’t have and what may never come
And everytime we saw pregnant women or babies we would suddenly feel very numb
We endured tests and questions we were so nervous and so scared
We just couldn’t speak to our loved ones even though we knew they cared
We still don’t know what will be though we will continue to try
And the only thing I know for sure is that with each failure, together we’ll cry
We won’t give up on a baby, it is our wholesome hope and dream
And until we have our baby the tears will always stream
If you’re up there little baby, please come see us soon
For we need you to be with us even more than the night sky needs the moon
The Great Pretender
Shopping around and having fun,
Little shoes and hats for the sun…
Wrapped in pink or baby blue,
But none for me… All for you.
Tiny shoes, she’ll be in style,
When I see them I give you a smile.
But it tears my heart in two…
Still none for me… all for you.
I rub your bellies when you come around,
Pretending all day that I’m not feeling down.
I’ll never let you see the truth…
It hurts to know it’s all for you.
I pray everyday up to Him,
“Please know I’m happy for them,
But there is no other lesson to learn.
When, dear God, will it be my turn?”
Our infertility cannot be seen
But we feel it everyday
The hurt the anguish and despair
Doesn’t go away
We are grieving all the time
For something we never had
I never thought that was possible
To lose something that was never there – to feel so sad
We hate to feel this way
We hate to cry these tears
We hate to wonder how long this will take
Will it be months or years?
It kills us to see other families
It’s a reminder of what we aren’t
We should smile for them and be happy
But we just can’t
It hurts us to listen to parents
Saying a crying baby is the pits
We should be so lucky to have a crying baby
We wouldn’t mind a bit
We would sit and admire our baby
This amazing thing that we created
We would embrace this baby with so much love
And talk about how long for this we had waited
We wouldn’t mind the dirty nappies
Or the many sleepless nights
We would just be grateful to have our bundle
That we would hold so tight
We wouldn’t complain about feeding
Or having our lives turned upside down
Nothing could get rid of our smiles
From having our baby around
We hope the wait is over soon
And that our baby will be here
Then the day will come
That we can finally shed happy tears
