So I have had so much on my mind. God is working on me. You know where it says that we will be baptized in fire. Well fire hurts and it gets rid of the things not sturdy. The grain. My prayer has been for that to happen to me. What a tough prayer. If you want to feel closer to God yet farther from others than that is the prayer for you. I have God has taken some of my relationships and strengthened them and others he has made them almost non-existent. I am learning so much with the whole Esther study. What is so weird is I can be such a Haman at times. No I am not trying to kill the Jews but I can get prideful and not mean to. I can become jealous and bitter. I do not like that. However I can relate with Esther so I do not feel as bad. I was doing my study the other day though and I wanted to share what I read.
Here are some excerpts.
1. Through years and much personal embarrassment, I’ve come to understand a little bit more about why Christ calls us to die or to deny self and follow Him. It is not because humanity is such a titanic disappointment and summarily unworthy of His love on our own. Amid all the depravity of this world, man is still God’s prized creation and most valued treasure. Christ’s purpose in calling us to deny ourselves is that we’d deny our selfishness, ambition, pasts, or any damaged emotions the right to cheat us of His far higher plans for us.
2. We form mental strongholds toward those who won’t give us what we want or need. Sometimes they quit giving us something they once supplied and we want it back. Perhaps they broke the rules of our relationship. Very often our people snares are those who make us feel out of control with our emotions. They are the ones around whom we are most compelled to perfomr or, worse yet, make fools of ourselves. We see both of these subtle elements in Haman. The people who have become the biggest snares to us are the ones about whome we’re most prone to say, “I never act this way with anyone else!” -Yikes way too true!
3. God is putting our lives back together after a terrible betrayal. Ample time has passed and God has gifted us with a wonderful person. We can’t be happy with the terrific person who has accepted us, however, because we’re still fixated on the person who rejected us.
4. God is the only One who can tend to the secret places where pain calls to bondage. Would you let Him minister to you there and begin the healing process? Admitting we have an area of brokenness is a huge step toward wholeness. What would God’s kingdom gain from people who were only humiliated? What would the reward of our existence if we were only repentant and never repaired? Discontent with selfishness and weary of ego, we finally become willing to lose ourselves to something greater. In doing so, we find Christ as we’ve never known Him and, there, pooled in the reflection of His eyes, startle to discover that a part of ourselves resembles Him.
As you can see God is working on me in my relationships area. Not as in dating but rather friendships. i love people and making new friends. It is not very often that I will not like you. I hate seeing people be left out to. That is just how I am. I love getting to know people and being there for them. I almost never push someone away for friendship so it hurts when it happens to me. At the same time I am starting to wonder if God is trying to protect me. Well that was what I was thinking but then We moved on to the next lesson and it talked about timing.
1. We need to know when it’s time. Hosea 6:2 He will revive us up on the third day, that we may live before Him.
2. We need to know when it’s time to wait. There is a time for everything even a time to speak. Sometimes we need to be silent even when man invites us to speak.
3. We need to know when it’s time to wait for someone else’s time.
4. We need to know when the meantime is God-time. Isaiah 40:31 But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
I do not know if it is time for me to be friends with these certain individuals. It may be my time but not theirs or maybe it is not God’s.
Well that is what has been on my heart. Please keep me in your prayers.
God Bless, Christy
